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| Wooow. I haven't touched this junk in some time now. Odd time to do this during class hah. I don't enjoy blogging my life down jnto a xanga/blog/whatever people use. Althiough I dislike it.. Id think id like to start a story with pcitures. Excuse the typos. My G1 is mad laggy since I turned off 3G.
Let's start wjith some previous events.
Over spring break, a friend of mine from long ago visited us for a few days. Hah, i missed cameron. I havent seen him since middle school. I also visitd my mother. Ah. I saw my little brother. Hes becoming real skinny from the baby fat that he still has. There were a few days that i spent that were really momentus. I guess Ill start from the beginning. Lets just call this a summary.
Day 1 spring break. Flight to my moms. We went to the mall and went shopping i got some new stuff. Clothes, shoes, phone, money. Every single one of my family members ptiched in for everything. Im real greatful.
Day 2-3 of spring break. Nothing much here . Just spent some time with the family and watched some movies on my ps3.
Day 4 of spring break. First day of track practice, it was pretty fun cause coach ball went easy on us when luna being the dick he is, told him to be a hard ass on us. After practice I went to fix Athena's computer and got like 10 bucks from it. I wouldnt take more than that 10. I have a business at her house (:
Day 5 - Chilled with Athena again. We went to Starbucks, viewed the heights, and just chilled. Haha. I spent some time playing games like i usually do when i have nothing planned for the day.
Day 6 of break - CAMERON! Waited for Lily to get off of practice and then went on a long and tiring walk to grab some lunch. We had korean tofu at bcd tofu house in yes plaza and then hung out at thomas' house. After we went to the mall ran into some people and what not. Movie night at thomas'.
Day 7 - Camerons farewell lunch at korean bbq.
Day 8-10. YAY FOR VIDEOJUEGOS.
My days arent very descrpitive, but then again im on a laggy cell phone.
Sweet 16.
I turned 16 on the 26th of April. I had a hang out day the saturday before with Angela, Athena, April, James, Edmund, and Bolton. Watched Alpha dog, 88 minutes, and I am Legend.
May 1st - St. Marthas fair with Jojo, Angela, April, Edmund, Bolton, James, and Evelyn. We also went to Galsters. Edmund was such a pansy! hah!
Miight add more later. PICTURES COMING SOON. | | |
| Well looks like good ol' mom wants the last piece of our income back. That blue shitty crappy Honda that we have. :|
Its ridculous. How much longer can this fued last?! Gah. I wonder what Chris has to say about this.
For now, our only source of money is from wellfare/child support. Is it really enough? :| I dont understand the damn world anymore. Hate hate hate. That's all the world has become nowadays. Let's all watch the world get consumed by hatred and anger. Maybe we the kids of Rowland Heights can band together and create the last bleak glimmer of hope the human race(by human race I mean the denizens of Rowland Heights, ass crack of Hacienda Heights and Diamond Bar) has left.
Hooray for peace and love! Oh goody I sound like a hippy. | | |
| Good ol' step mom hates me.
The moment I first met you when I was 3, I was filled with false memories. It was in Springfield, Mossouri. In that house, 2172 Elk Street, where we first encountered. You visited me and my moms side of the family. I had no idea who you were and who the lady you were with was. Auntie Grace I presume. You visited and took me to first meet my birth father for the very first time. As hesitant as I was(same with any 3 year old child talking to a stranger) to leave the safe embrace of my mothers protection.. I trusted you. You had a sweet and loving voice that made me want to instill my trust within you. The countless visits I made over the summer to see dad and you were really great. I appreciate everything you've done for me until now. Taking care of me, buying me toys and games and clothes, helping me grow up to become who I am now, and the greatest - you stood up for me when my birth father yelled and screamed at me. To find out a twisted truth that the one who I could considered a mom hates me hurts more than anything.
As of today, as of now, consider my heart closed. Thanks for 13 years of lies-
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| Yay for another blog.
My dad and my step mom got into an argument just recently. (few hours ago) and it caused my step mom to cry and barge out of the house driving away to somewhere unknown. Why they were arguing is out of my knowledge since I'm a failure as a half cantonese person. As soon as they were done screaming at each other (like I said uptop) my step mom drove off somewhere. As for me and my dad.. well.. we packed our stuff leaving nothing, but memories at the house. (I took a picture of chris, ginny, and troy because they're the only ones that I bond with most, heh). Currently I'm at my apartment.(Yes I stayed at a house and a apartment, weird I know.) I don't know how long this is gonna last, but I hope it dies out soon.
My dad... he's a really cool guy, but he's very tempermental(probably where I get it) and he has no self-control. He's always blaming others for his wrongings. Always yelling at someone because he has nothing better to do. Nothing really ever is his fault in his eyes. He isn't willing to fix his bad qualities either. He gets people really frustrated through his yelling and nagging and bossy-ness.. but he has a good heart.
My step mom.. I really don't think she's at fault(aside from what my dad told me) She has a stressful job as a travel agent. Besides my dad's yelling and her stressful job she's a really chill person, but I guess she just cracked.
Now what really stresses me out and brings me down is.. what's going to happen? Are we going to stay like this? My dad doesn't have a job and his source of cash flow (its sad) is to dig through peoples trash cans and take their recycling. That brings in 40 or 50 dollars(used to be 80 or 90, damn economy). Now I don't think that 200 dollars is going to pay for bills, rent, food, and gas. If that's the case then I have to leave rowland and move up north to sacramento with my mother. I really don't want to leave, but from the crap that my dads been telling me, it sounds like im a burden to this family.
Here's the story; My step mom alledgedly(?) dislikes me. Im messy, im at average level smarts, and im another add-on to the budget. She gossips to my step brother, chris, about me (from what chris and my dad told me), and she hates taking care of me when my dad goes away on a trip to Hong Kong. What I really don't understand is why do I have to keep being lied to, I don't know who to believe anymore. Its painful as it is being told these bad things, but its more painful that I can't do anything. Maybe its best for my family here that I move back with my real mother.
I don't know.. what should I do.. | | |
| It was brought to my attention that I'm not that great of a person that I thought I was. Everything I thought I seemed to be ended up seeming to be a bag of lies.
Last night I pondered on who I really am because for uncertainty of who I am to bring me down is not like me. One of my insecurities is being a boring person. I hate hearing it. Jokingly or serious talk. I'm a terrible improvising and I'm a terrible planner. It sounds like a boring person to me.
Sure I might be humorous, and I might be funny, but disregarding those two qualities as led me to believe one thing; I'm a hollow shell. Being predictable ruins everything, being slow kills the atmosphere during deep conversation, and overusing a large amount of big words is unnecessary. It's nerve racking to think so poorly of myself, but right now there's nothing that I see that's a plus quality in my personality. As I've said before; Im dense. Sometimes it takes me forever to realize or understand something. Although I like being indirect myself. I hate this crap. It's annoying.
The one way I clear my head and refresh myself is climbing this steep hill that overviews the city. The cool night sky, the beautiful view, and the feeling of being alone is great and all, but walking for an hour to refreshen is tiring, and honestly... my one way of relieving stress is running itself dry of usefulness.
This post is probably one of those posts not worth reading. Its also probably one of those post where you just say to yourself after finished reading, "Wtf is this bullshit?"
All in all... I hate myself.
Thoughts?
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